Turning 50, Single Mum With Metastatic Breast Cancer On Top

I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2017.

I turned 50 that year and was determined that now that my kids were older and I'd survived single-parenting two young children this was going to be MY decade. As part of that I went to get a few health "niggles" checked out - just in case. One of those was slightly leaky nipples, which I'd had since breastfeeding both children (youngest was now 12). I wasn't sure if this was normal but it had never seemed a priority to get checked as nothing had got worse, or painful or lumpy. When I went to the breast unit where my GP referred me they did a mammogram - as I was just in the catchment for regular ones anyhow. Straight away they whizzed me through for a biopsy "of that" - of what I thought! Then into see a consultant surgeon, who I could tell was fairly definite that I had a Ductal Carcinoma. I was in shock but the surgeon reassured me it was small and early stage and most likely to be totally sorted by a lumpectomy. I asked about having both my breasts removed, my mum and grandma had both had breast cancer (no identifiable genetic risk though) and I just didn't want them any more. The surgeon refused to do this saying it was unnecessary and I'd be fine. 

So I had the lump taken out - it was a little bigger than originally thought but not spread outside the breast - and started on Tamoxifen to suppress oestrogen which my type of cancer fed off. I was told that there had been some Lobular Carcinoma in Situ in the sample taken, but that this was nothing to worry about. 

Well around  six months later I was getting pain and discomfort in the same breast.

I kept going back to the Breast Cancer Nurses, and sometimes the surgeon, to ask about this. They said it was probably still settling down from the surgery and radiotherapy but I felt something was wrong. After about six months of back and to, including a clear mammogram, my breast became so painful and also swollen and mishaped that I insisted something was done. The surgeon finally took a biopsy, which came back positive for a fast-growing lobular cancer. Lobular cancer behaves differently from ductal and is often not seen on mammograms and scans. There was a swift move to mastectomy, clear and of all the lymph nodes and chemotherapy. After this I was scanned and it showed some spread to my spine, so I now have incurable metastatic breast cancer. Since then it has also spread into my skin. 

My message from my experience would be trust your instincts.

If you want a mastectomy then push for it - this might be difficult as the medical profession are still biased towards the aesthetics of retaining or reconstructing a breast. If you feel something is wrong then insist on full investigations.

I don't know if having a mastectomy when I first asked would have prevented the spread of my second cancer, but at least I would have tried. If you don't feel confident in your clinician ask for a second opinion, it's your right. 

As me and my kids say though - there are some perks!

I got medical retirement from work, paid off my mortgage and studied a MSc in Sustainability and Behaviour Change. I now sit on my local Town Council. I've continued to remain well with minimal side effects from my treatment. I'm very active, mountain biking, walking, yoga and wild swimming. I am much less stressed than when I was juggling being a working mum, which means I've had a lot of time for my kids, especially through all the COVID shenanigans. I've definitely found out who my good friends are, and I've discovered some really supportive communities in the cancer world where we can interact on a level that instantly has a shared understanding because of our experience. 

If you have a cancer diagnosis I would say do your research on treatment options, usually nothing is very urgent to decide. Find your community of support and build a team around you that might include your clinicians, alternative therapies, chat groups, etc. And look after your wellbeing in whatever way suits you best - make the time for yourself to get your needs met. 

Sarah Marshall

After studying at Manchester University, and some seasons working abroad in the Alps, Tenerife and Corsica, Sarah spent most of her working life in the drugs and alcohol field, in various roles including as a face to face key worker, a researcher and more recently as a commissioner of services,  and managing a programme of policy work across Cheshire and Merseyside. She also, alongside this work, has been a youth worker, an outdoor pursuits instructor and an aerobics instructor.

She has been a single mum to her two kids (now 19 and 16) for 14 years. They lived in the same house as a family in North Wales for all that time.

Her grandma died of breast cancer and her mum and sister have both been treated for breast cancer.

She retired from work when she had her Stage 4 diagnosis and then completed an MSc in Sustainability and Behaviour Change. She site on a couple of patient forums to improve cancer services and is currently a Town Councillor.

She is an outdoor lover and regularly mountain bikes, walks and wild swims (including through winter). She also loves dancing and In her spare time he choreographs for a couple of local amateur performance groups.

She supports her health with alternative treatments (acupuncture, reflexology, homeopathy) as well as the standard medical interventions and she meditate most days and does yoga a few times a week.

Further reading

How to Respond To a Friend With Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer Communities

Breast Cancer Freebies

Breast Cancer Tips: 7 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Breast Cancer

Personal experiences

I’m Too Healthy To Have Cancer : How Could This Happen To Me?

People's Experiences Of Breast Cancer Can Help After A Diagnosis

I Am A Male Breast Cancer Survivor And This Is My Story

Support for mastectomy patients

Knitted Knockers

Rediscovering Yourself After Breast Cancer: Ms Pomelo Mastectomy Bras

Mastectomy Directory