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For Everyone Touched By Cancer
Breast cancer, like many other forms of cancer, can be a life-altering experience not just for the patient, but also for their family, caregivers, and friends. When someone you care about is diagnosed with breast cancer, it’s natural for them to feel shocked, confused, isolated, defeated, and sad. As a friend, your role in their journey can be incredibly important, offering the support and comfort they need during such a challenging time.
If you’re a friend to someone diagnosed with breast cancer, it’s crucial to show up for them in meaningful ways that remind them of their importance and value. But how exactly can you be a positive influence? Let’s explore what you can say and do, as well as some things you should be careful to avoid when supporting a friend with breast cancer.
Your initial response to a friend’s diagnosis will vary depending on their personality and your relationship with them. It’s often helpful to visit them at home or in the hospital, offering a hug and allowing them to share what they feel comfortable discussing. However, before you visit, it’s beneficial to take some time to learn about their specific type of breast cancer and consider how you can be most helpful.
Remaining composed during your visit is key. Your friend is likely experiencing a whirlwind of emotions, so being a calm, reassuring presence can make a significant difference. Being available for them—whether through visits, calls, or just letting them know you’re there—is one of the most powerful ways to show support. Remember that it’s okay to express emotions; you can laugh and cry with them, but be ready to listen to their fears and concerns as well.
However, it’s important to be mindful of your words and actions. Avoid creating unnecessary fear by sharing negative experiences related to cancer, whether it’s something you’ve read, heard, or experienced personally. Instead, focus on supporting their choices, including their treatment decisions, and refrain from offering unsolicited advice, even if well-intentioned. Your role is to provide a safe space where your friend feels supported and loved.
Knowing what to say to someone with breast cancer can be challenging. Your words can either uplift or unintentionally hurt, so it’s important to choose them carefully. Here are some expressions that can provide comfort and show your support:
While these statements may seem simple, their impact lies in the sincerity and warmth with which they are delivered. Sometimes, just knowing someone is thinking about them and cares deeply can be the comfort your friend needs.
It’s also wise to avoid repeatedly asking, “How are you doing?” Instead, try something like, “How are you holding up?” This phrasing can encourage your friend to open up about how they’re really feeling.
Beyond words, there are many practical ways you can support a friend with breast cancer:
Regular communication, whether through calls, visits, or messages, can make a big difference. Be sure to give your friend enough time when you visit, and try to make future plans, even if they’re simple. This can give your friend something to look forward to.
While there’s no perfect way to talk to someone with cancer, it’s important to choose your words carefully. If your friend is a man, avoid questioning their diagnosis or making them feel more isolated by referring to breast cancer as a “woman’s disease.” Men with breast cancer often need even more support due to the stigma they may feel.
Some well-meaning phrases can actually be hurtful. Avoid saying things like
Here are some examples of (what many people say and) what you should not to say:
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is listen. Let your friend lead the conversation, and avoid changing the subject, even if they bring up difficult topics like death or funerals. Your willingness to listen without judgment can be incredibly comforting.
Preparing a meal can be a thoughtful gesture, especially since your friend might not have an appetite or may be tired of hospital food. Just be sure to check with them about any dietary restrictions or preferences before you cook.
If your friend is religious, praying together can be a source of great comfort. It can help them feel supported and cared for in a deeply personal way.
Consider giving a gift designed for people with breast cancer or a care package. These hampers often include items that help with the side effects of treatment and provide comfort during recovery. Books with positive messages or items to assist with post-surgery recovery can also be meaningful gifts.
Your friend’s emotions may fluctuate, and it’s important to support them through the highs and lows. Don’t be afraid to share in their tears or laughter; both can be cathartic and help strengthen your bond.
A well-chosen card with encouraging, humorous, or comforting words can brighten your friend’s day. It’s a small gesture that can have a big impact.Specify How You Want to Help
It’s not enough to simply tell your friend to call if they need anything. Instead, offer specific types of help, such as picking up groceries, cleaning their home, caring for their pets, or driving them to appointments. This not only shows your commitment but also makes it easier for your friend to accept help.
Breast cancer treatment and recovery can be a long and exhausting process. While other friends may gradually stop offering help, it’s important to continue being there for your friend. Your ongoing support can make a significant difference in their journey.
A breast cancer diagnosis can bring about a wide range of emotions, and your friend’s feelings may change frequently. As a friend, your role is to offer consistent, compassionate support. By listening more than you speak, offering specific help, and being present through the ups and downs, you can be a source of strength and comfort for your friend. Remember, sometimes the most meaningful thing you can do is simply be there, showing your friend that they’re not alone in their journey.
Oluwatoyin Joy Oke finished her 4 years course/ program in 2018 as a public health practitioner in Osun State University, Nigeria. And has developed in skills involving prevention, treatment and care of diseases.
She works as a Linkage Coordinator connecting people from the community to treatment and care of Tuberculosis and HIV. She recently picked up another skill in writing which she so far enjoy.
She volunteers in creating awareness for people on topics relating to Cancer, mostly the ones common to women (Cervical and breast cancer), mental health, and HIV. In past years she has received certificates of appreciation from different organizations.
Her hobbies are cooking, watching movies, and writing. She places her worship of God as first in her life and giving of herself to her family and others is a priority.
