When a child is diagnosed with cancer, life quickly becomes dominated by medical appointments, treatment schedules, and constant uncertainty. Parents often find themselves trying to juggle complex emotions while staying strong for their child. It can be exhausting, confusing, and lonely. Yet amid the clinical routines and difficult decisions, there remains one constant truth. A child’s deepest source of comfort is not found in medication or machinery, but in the feeling of safety that comes from a parent’s presence.
This idea formed the heart of a recent educational event hosted by Cancer Care Parcel. The session featured Dr Blanka Kellermayer, a neuroscientist and peaceful parenting coach, and was moderated by Jonathan Pagden. Together they explored how parents can use practical, neuroscience-based tools to nurture calm and connection for their children during treatment. The conversation was compassionate, insightful, and grounded in real family experiences.
When families face cancer, the emotional strain can be as intense as the physical one. Children may feel frightened, angry, or confused. Parents may feel powerless. Dr Kellermayer began the session by explaining what happens inside the brain when people experience stress. She described how the brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, triggers fight, flight, or freeze responses whenever danger is perceived. For a child undergoing treatment, the unfamiliar sights, sounds, and sensations of hospitals can keep that alarm switched on for long periods.
This constant activation can make it difficult for children to concentrate, rest, or communicate. Parents can experience similar physiological stress, making it even harder to stay patient or composed. Dr Kellermayer reassured the audience that these reactions are not signs of weakness. They are part of the body’s natural survival system. The challenge is learning how to guide both the child’s and the parent’s nervous systems back to safety.
One of the central concepts discussed was co-regulation. This is the process by which a calm and attuned adult helps a child’s body and mind settle after stress. Dr Kellermayer explained that the human nervous system is social by design. A parent’s voice, facial expression, or touch can signal safety to a child more effectively than words alone.
She encouraged parents to focus on presence rather than perfection. Sitting quietly beside a child, breathing slowly, or maintaining gentle eye contact can be more powerful than trying to solve the problem. Children learn emotional regulation by borrowing calm from those they trust. When parents manage their own emotions, they become a model of stability in a frightening world.
Dr Kellermayer also reminded parents that co-regulation is not about suppressing feelings. It is about creating an environment where emotions can exist safely. If a child is scared or angry, acknowledging those emotions rather than dismissing them allows the child to process the experience without shame or confusion.
Throughout the webinar, parents were given practical strategies to maintain emotional connection even during hospital stays and treatment cycles. Dr Kellermayer shared how small, consistent gestures help children feel seen and valued. Praising courage, noticing small moments of humour, or finding opportunities to share laughter can all build resilience.
She also encouraged parents to use their child’s preferred “love language” when offering comfort. Some children respond to words of encouragement, others to physical closeness, acts of service, or shared time. By understanding how a child receives love, parents can meet emotional needs more effectively even when circumstances are difficult.
One participant described how her daughter becomes angry before each treatment and she never knows how to respond. Dr Kellermayer explained that anger is often a sign of fear and overstimulation. When parents can stay grounded and calm, they provide a mirror for self-control. Another parent expressed sadness, saying she felt useless because nothing she did seemed to help. Dr Kellermayer reminded her that showing up with warmth and consistency is itself a powerful form of healing. Presence communicates safety even when words fall short.
For many families, one of the hardest challenges is supporting siblings. When one child is ill, brothers and sisters can feel neglected, guilty, or resentful. Dr Kellermayer discussed the difference between equality and equity. Equality means giving each child the same, while equity means giving each child what they need. Every child’s experience of illness in the family is unique, and support should reflect that individuality.
Simple gestures can make a difference. Scheduling a short one-to-one chat, reading a story before bed, or involving siblings in small caregiving roles can help them feel connected. Parents were encouraged to acknowledge the emotions of healthy siblings rather than minimising them. This helps prevent hidden anxiety or guilt from building up over time. Families thrive when all children feel seen and supported.
A recurring theme throughout Dr Kellermayer’s talk was self-compassion. Parents caring for a sick child often neglect their own emotional wellbeing. They may judge themselves harshly for moments of irritation, fatigue, or sadness. Dr Kellermayer emphasised that compassion begins within. Parents who show themselves understanding are better equipped to show patience and empathy to their children.
She introduced the practice of the “self-compassion break.” This involves three small steps. First, recognising the moment of struggle. Second, reminding oneself that difficulty is part of the shared human experience. Third, offering kind words inwardly instead of criticism. Over time, these small acts of grace can protect caregivers from emotional burnout and help maintain balance.
The conversation also explored how these approaches can be adapted for neurodivergent children. Parents asked whether techniques like co-regulation work for children with ADHD or autism. Drawing on both her research and her personal experience as a mother of a neurodivergent child, Dr Kellermayer explained that the principles remain the same but the methods may differ.
Predictability, sensory comfort, and structured routines can make a big difference. Some children may find verbal reassurance overwhelming, so using visual cues or shared quiet time can be more effective. What matters most is curiosity about the child’s individual needs rather than rigid rules. When a child feels understood, behavioural challenges often reduce naturally.
Dr Kellermayer acknowledged that stress can lead to moments when parents lose patience or say something they regret. She reassured participants that repair after rupture is a key part of healthy relationships. Apologising to a child and explaining what went wrong models accountability and trust. Children who see repair in action learn that mistakes do not end love, and that honesty strengthens family bonds.
She said that parents do not need to be perfect. They need to be emotionally available. What heals a child’s fear is not flawless parenting but the willingness to reconnect after disconnection.
Moderator Jonathan Pagden guided the discussion with empathy and curiosity, inviting audience participation and thoughtful questions. The atmosphere was supportive and warm, combining scientific explanation with lived experience. Participants expressed gratitude for the clarity and reassurance the session provided. Comments such as “Great lecture” and “This was exactly what I needed” filled the chat box as parents recognised themselves in the stories shared.
Dr Kellermayer’s ability to translate neuroscience into everyday language made the material accessible and practical. Parents left with a renewed sense of hope and a deeper understanding that emotional connection is a form of medicine in itself.
Dr Blanka Kellermayer is a neuroscientist and peaceful parenting coach who helps families navigate stress, behavioural challenges, and emotional disconnection. Her approach combines brain science with compassion, empowering parents to create calm and cooperation at home. Drawing on her academic background and her experience as a mother of two children, one of whom is neurodivergent, Dr Kellermayer guides parents toward understanding rather than control. She believes that every child deserves to feel seen, safe, and loved, especially during times of hardship.
Connect with Dr Blanka Kellermayer
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/blanka-kellermayer
Instagram: @drblankapeacefulparenting
Website: www.drblankapeacefulparenting.com
For those who missed the live event, the full recording is now available to watch on demand. It offers a compassionate and scientifically grounded perspective for parents, caregivers, and professionals who want to understand the emotional side of childhood cancer.
By exploring the intersection of neuroscience and parenting, this session reminds families that even in moments of uncertainty, love and connection remain powerful forms of care.
We strongly advise you to talk with a health care professional about specific medical conditions and treatments.
The information on our site is meant to be helpful and educational but is not a substitute for medical advice.
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